In the News

[Mike]

Basil Fawlty type hotel owner in New Zealand has banned an entire town from staying at his lodge. That is a bit over the top in my humble opinon but funny never-the-less.

[Mike]

Olga a Russian Hairdresser stopped a potential robber in his tracks when he tried to hold up her salon. She subdued him with her Karate expertise and locked him in a utility cupboard before dismissing the staff saying she would call the police. Instead of calling in the men in Blue she decided to handcuff him to a radiator, ply him with viagra and rape his several times over the next four days before buying him some jeans, paying him 1000 rubles and letting him limp off to hospital. Both have now been arrested, one for attacks of a sexual nature and the other for attempted robbery.

Boeing have been awareded a $6.9 billion dollar contract to develop a naval raygun tower to protect navy ships from missiles and aircraft. Space age man. I wonder how they are going to find the power for these defence systems!

Clas Ohlson is opening a shop in the Arndale Centre in Manchester and it appears to be a mix between Ikea and B&Q with nurses pocket watches thrown in for good measure!

[BarcelonAl]

...and the Max Clifford Award for Barrel Scraping goes to...Max Clifford and assorted friends/business partners of Jade Goody!

Oh yes friends, the barrel has well and truly been scraped with the announcement of the Jade Goody Musical

[Mike]

Please no! Haven't we suffered enough?!

[stimpsonslostson]

So the brief synopsis-
Annoying, distateful, stupid girl becomes famous through Annoying, distateful, stupid tv show... milks fame for all its worth, demonstrating in the process how Annoying, distateful, stupid she is... goes back on aAnnoying, distateful, stupid tv show is SPECTACULARLYAnnoying, distateful, stupid... public realises how Annoying, distateful, stupid she is... so she goes on ANOTHER version of said Annoying, distateful, stupid show... is diagnosed with cancer, gives LOTS of interviews to OK magazine marries Annoying, distateful, stupid fiancee on her deathbed and eventually dies. (Which is a shame for her kids).

I'm going with the words Annoying, distateful, stupid as the basis for my chorus for the "Jade Theme". I'm sure someone with more time and talent than me can come up with a rhyme and tune (although I INSIST its sung by that F£CKING annoying geordie from the Annoying, distateful, stupid tv show).

I can respect how much awareness she has brought to cancer related charities, and accept that she was simply using the tools she had at her disposal to make as much money for her kids as she could... doesn't mean I'll pretend I liked her in ANY way!

[johnriley1uk]

So you're a bit fed up of hearing about Jade then?

The musical sounds about as interesting as the one about David Blunkett....they really do scrape the barrel....

[Andy]

The musical sounds about as interesting as the one about David Blunkett....they really do scrape the barrel....

I didn't see that one

I suppose I'll get into trouble for political correctness but so what, it is Friday after all...

[Mike]

Manchester Piccadilly to get a increased capacity to help eek the benefits of £13-16 billion currently wasted by delays caused by this congestion.

[BarcelonAl]

I've come up with the song that the whole Jade Goody show could be based upon...Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. Now before anyone goes..."eh?", consider the following lyrics taken from said song...

Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality

See also:

Too late,my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine-
Bodys aching all the time,
Goodbye everybody-Ive got to go

Finally:

But Im just a racist and nobody loves me-
She's just a racist from a racist family*

* - Some lyrics may have been amended for comedy value.

[Mike]

UK Super Rich loose about 50% of their wealth. It is interesting that the people whos wealth is based on paper money lost between 50-60% of their value. However, the Duke of Westminster actually only lost £500million based on his property which equates to about 8% decline.

Morrisons owner's fortunes have increased by 13% - just goes to show. We always need food!

[Fez]

sir, i salute you

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/18/20090428/to ... 81b96.html

[Mike]

I pity the hangover though!

[Andy]

sir, i salute you

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/18/20090428/to ... 81b96.html

Why waste money on two lumps of cream cheese? I am presuming that he had some crackers or oatcakes.

[Mike]

Two Year Old is the youngest member of Mensa with an IQ of 156! OMG.

Hot dry summer predicted for the UK. Will believe it when I see it!

[stimpsonslostson]

manchester is falling apart since I left...
Hole appearson barlowmoor road... bet the traffic is AMAZING round there tonight!