rileyuk.co.uk

Anti monopoly commission stuff I suppose. . . I don't think it actually helps the consumer though which is a real shame. What you really need to have is one front company that effectively wholesales the product of the main cable / copper backbone company - ie one point of contact and whatever they have to order from others is their responsibility!

Todays lesson comes from the BBC- AT LAST the NHS gives me advice I WANT to follow. (Rather than stop doing stuff I enjoy they are ENCOURAGING this time! )
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4703166.stm

enjoy your Sunday!
P

an interesting idea for a chat up line; 'fuck me, it'll be good for your health!'

There are other ways of getting rid of my spare tyre so I'll pass on that one Fez

Lesson 17

If you go into B+Q and constantly bug them they will actually tell you all you need to know. I discovered this when I went in today and asked for a 300mm wide door that was 800mm to 950mm in height. They only had 715mm in height. After bugging a lot of ''helpers'' this old bloke went on a computer and said that if I used their ordering service then I could have one that was 815mm in height. Happy days!

Lesson 18

Painting fence panels for your gran with a rottweiler next door can be bloody annoying because the fecking thing didn't stop barking for two hours. I think it was humping the post at one point but that could have been an attempt to savage me as I painted the top bit.

Lesson 19 According to Don'ts for Husbands c1913 Don't neglect to insure your life for a reasonable sum. Then you will at least know that your wife will not be left in actual want if you die suddenly.

Lesson 20 According to Don'ts for Husbands c1913Don't forget that you are not immortal. What chance will she have if you die and leave her with no knowledge of the ways of the wicked world?

I am really enjoying this book immensely!

What chance will she have if you die and leave her with no knowledge of the ways of the wicked world?

Indeed. Therefore you must be utterly wicked to demonstrate and thus improve her knowledge of wickedness. What a wondeful book you are reading, full of sage advice. They must really know their onions.

Mike, page 39.
"Don't interfere with your wifes household management. Nothing upsets servants more than interference in matters of detail from the master of the house"
I particularly like the comedic use of the words SERVANTS (!) and MASTER. Who are they trying to kid?

What do you think would happen if we tried to quote that one?

P

I think they would say "fine - get me a servant and you can then be the master of the household. I will stay home and manage and you go out and earn lots more money to afford it!"

This is why you need servants....

Lesson 21
After you install a loft ladder and leave it to go and get some things to place in the loft always ensure, if you have a cat, that you don't leave the thing ''attached'' to the ground. This is because the little bugger will climb it (still don't know how) and hide in your loft. You will then proceed to close the loft hatch, have tea and as you are in bed wondering where your cat is hear a lot of miaowing and scratching. This will then result in you having to get out of bed, open the loft hatch, bring down the ladder, climb it in your bare feet and attempt to coax the little bleeder into your loving arms. Of course, she doesn't want to. So you have to catch her. This is tricky with low beams and potentially painful.

Lesson 21 above teaches us one of two things.

1 - Don't do DIY
2 - Don't get pets. . . .

People who end every sentence by raising the tone of their voice are really, really fecking annoying.

Our parent company are now selling products to their shareholders from our offices, hence the fact that I now work 8 foot away from a call-centre...7 hours a day of this guy's voice could get very wearing!

Lesson 22
At John Lewis, the gift gadget ''beep'' thingy where you have to scan a barcode so it can go onto your wedding list is bloody cool. Seriously, the thing is amazingly addictive. Sooo many items had to be deleted because of my ''beep'' craze. If you are thinking of getting married then I thoroughly recommend using them. You also get 2 free coffee and pastry cakes which, if you get a ''seriously fucked off by the chef'' at John Lewis brasserie, can be upgraded to two 2 course meals. She is called Mandy and was great. I phoned up and complimented her on her ''charming and impeccable service'' that ''suited our needs'', pointed out that she was ''excellent'' and overall ''really made our Valentine's lunch''.

Lesson 23
A good circular saw with a decent motor can be priceless. If it wasn't then I would have two fat cabinets that would make my bathroom exceedingly small. However, because of the erbauer or ''erbie'' as it is now affectionately known, I have two slim-line cabinets that look fantastic!

Lesson 24
That Polish beer that Woody and Fez mention in high regard (whenever I ask them) is available at Aldi for 99p per 500ml bottle. I thoroughly recommend it. Fantastic. Serve it chilled. Fabulous taste. Don't drink too much because it is potent stuff....

NOW THOSE ARE SOME GOOD LESSONS!!

I've had beep addiction too! Debenhams, Bex refused to let me into the electricals section
P

We also decided against going into the electricals section.

The temptation for anything Sony or Bose was too much. We also figured that no-one would actually pay it as well.

Andy wrote:The temptation for anything Sony or Bose was too much. We also figured that no-one would actually pay it as well.

You never know - put some really outrageous things on there and see if anyone will be interested! It would be a great buzz if they did!

PS Disclaimer: The above comment is in no way to be read as an agreement of purchase any item from the above mentioned part of your wedding list.

PPS The drinking lesson is a good one - will have to try that one out. I think we have an aldi within a hop skip and a jump. All we really need is a NAME!