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I think its time we had a joke thread, I've heard a few decent ones recently... so post em here!

To get the ball rolling, here are my two favourites of the moment-

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!


and my ALL TIME best joke.

a guy takes his son to the zoo, all there is is a small dog in a cage. it was a schitzu

I LOVE that one!

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stimpsonslostson wrote:and my ALL TIME best joke.

a guy takes his son to the zoo, all there is is a small dog in a cage. it was a schitzu

I LOVE that one!

Evolutionary Biologists. . . . . what can you say?!

My favourite joke is more like a put down, it goes like this:

Protagonist - Your fattist!
You - No, your fattest.

It only really works if you are slim and the protagonist if fat. . . .

Q - Why do giraffe's have such long necks?

A - Because they can't stand the smell of their own feet!

long live Christmas cracker jokes

A variation of the one from my former team leader:

A jelly baby goes to the doctor who, after a brief examination, informs him that he has a variety of STDs.
"Ah well," says the jelly baby. "I've been with all sorts".

Mike wrote:
My favourite joke is more like a put down, it goes like this:

Protagonist - Your fattist!
You - No, your fattest.

It only really works if you are slim and the protagonist if fat. . . .

Jimmy Carr, originally, I believe, dealing with a heckler.

I'm rubbish with jokes...What's black and white and read all over? A newspaper. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains. Pull yourself together!

Told you.

Take heart Claire, I'm rubbish at jokes as well...just don't seem to be able to store them (although I'm nowhere near as bad as my Mum though...).

What do you call a short-sighted dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saw-us.

What's ET short for? Cos he's got little legs.

What goes black-white, black-white, black-white? A penguin rolling down a hill.

It's ok, I'll get my own coat!

This is not a joke but it was pretty funny. The ducks were circling Edgeley Reservoirs and coming into land. The reservoir was frozen to about 50mm thick which is quite thick really. When they landed the first duck fell over and slid along the ice, it was quite a slapstick moment. The other ducks cleverly learned from that mistake and landed properly using their feet as ski's.

Oh, and it is very difficult to type with frozen hands. Running with no gloves, BAD idea.

Running with no gloves, BAD idea.

No mike... that should say,
Running, BAD idea.

A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."