The school holidays should be a time of rejoicing and slouth for all those connected to the testing process of running the education system, but tragically Mr Hibbet is locked away decorating his new house and probably using language that even the snot-brained pupils in his classes would be shocked by. Worse still, the holidays have forced me back from my own school to TNG headquarters with nothing to do but stare at the wall until the schools come screaming back into life next week.
Technically, I am supposed to be looking for other work this week, but once you've read one out of date newspaper, you've read them all, and trying to apply for a job from them would be like attempting space travel by strapping yourself to an oversized firework and hoping for the best.
In the course of idling away the heart-breakingly long hours in the desperate hunt for employment that can't be found, I have come across a perculiar situation that cannot be explained. Every job advert on the Jobcentre's website for Call Centre Agents begins with the line 'experience essential / preffered / would be an advantage [delete as necessary]'. Now, that's not most of them - ALL of them start with one variety or another of saying to do this job you must have done it somewhere else before.
Which is fine. Until I got to thinking how is anyone involved in this industry if everyone has to have previous experience before they can start the work. Surely if to do the work you need experience, but short of universal paradoxes no one could have knowledge of the work before they start, the result must be that the industry is dead and has no workforce. But of course it does. How is this possible?
I have come to the conclusion after studying at length the endlessly outdated newspapers and the fantastically bland Jobcentre website, that there is an alien conspiracy taking place. We are being invaded by a superior race posing as call centre agents, and will slowly be undermined from within by these odious creatures hell-bent on taking over the planet when they think the human race isn't watching - why else would they be ringing us every evening other than to make sure no one is at home or that we are all safety tucked in bed?
Vigilence is the only possible defence against this diversionary invasion tactic and I implore you all the next time you are called by that excitable little man with the unusual accent to keep him talking as long as possible in order to delay the alien invasion fleet until NASA has been alerted and a more direct counter-attack can be put in place against these undesirable hostile forces.
The end is nigh - keep watching the skies!
Are You Experienced?
Are You Experienced?
I came, I saw, I bought the T-shirt
