rileyuk.co.uk

Its right up there with "the batsman's holding the bowler willie" but whats your favourite mis quote, spoonerism, or general failing of editing between brain and mouth.

As kennedy once said " Ich bin Ein Berliner" what his advisers didn't tell him is that in German Berliner = Donut

How about

"Uncle Joe's Mint Balls"

hows about military intelligence? old one but still very true.....

A long time ago, seems like a lifetime I sometimes think sadly, I was in a lecture for social history as part of an additional learning class to suppliment my English studies. The seminar that day was being taken by a dear old man who looked liked he had been time-warped especially for the class from Victorian Britain, and who I assume the university only wheeled out once a year for these special talks. I can't actually remember what it was the lecture was supposed to be about because he began the lesson by saying this;

'I come before you now as naked as the day I was born...except for my trousers obviously.'

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
- Bill Vaughan

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
- Unknown

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
- Noelie Altito

I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs.
- Nancy Reagan, former First Lady of the US

I was so poor growing up, if I hadn't been a boy I'd have had nothing to play with.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I just thought of something funny...your mother.
- Cheech Marin

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
- David Letterman

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
- Robert A. Heinlein

When on the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress!
- Unknown

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?
- Lisa Claymen

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
- Unknown

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger
- Franklin P. Jones

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
- Rhonda Hansome

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
- Jennifer Unlimited

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
- Caryn Leschen

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
- Jennifer Unlimited

Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee.
- Stephanie Piro

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says...What is this, a joke?
- Unknown

If you can look into the mirror without laughter, you have no sense of humor.
- Unknown

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.
- Horace Walpole English novelist