Things Learned Today!

[Mike]

Thank you for your few kind words of condolence, they were very few indeed.

[Andy]

The Ultimate Lesson 2 Just try wisecracking about my misfortune today.

Oh to (O2 geddit?) phone you up on your average mobile phone and offer my condolences but that would just be like kicking you in the balls.

[Fez]

as im sure you're all aware, the secretary for schools is a man named ed balls [stop sniggering john] and a funny thing i learned about him today was because the filtering systems on primary school e-mails are so sensitive, any message feature the secretary's name is instantly deleted for being potentially too rude! god knows what the computers would make of a message from former transport minister steve ladyman

[stimpsonslostson]

How on earth do they cope when ordering new sports equipment?
Rugby Orbs, tennis globes, footspheres?
I do quite like that. Was he wondering at the lack of feedback from his emails?

I learned that its possible to ache all over from a hard training session, (I got battered ) but to not have a single bruise to show for it.
p

[BarcelonAl]

I learnt that taking a concoction of painkillers over an evening (paracetemol and ibuprofen) to counter a bad knee may result in you over-sleeping and having to tear down the M61 in order to get to your training course on time! Whoops! I was only an hour late...

[Fez]

paul myers-bennet is a fucking pus spewing pimple on the arse of a dying syphilitic donkey. i would pray for you to die of a massive brain haemorage if only there was enough of it to do such a thing, instead i will settle for a gut shredding stroke that will leave you as a drooling vegetable unable to so much as fart let alone write yet another missive about how inferior everyone is to you and your perfect family. i hope a spider lays eggs in your throat and its ten-fold offspring eat their way out of larinx.

yous sincerely
andrew harrison
a concerned office administrater.

ps - in future i will ensure every letter to you features your name spelt correctly, how many t's in cunt?

[stimpsonslostson]

WTF?! I LOVE some of your posts Fez, I've no idea what that post is about... and I still nearly spat my drink on the computer!

I learned that Alkaline Trio have a new album AND ITS OUT NOW!
I just wish I'd learned about it BEFORE riding out of the city centre.
p

[Fez]

i learned today that sometimes just when you think work cant possibly become anymore unbareable, there are people like myers-bennet in the world who know how to send you reeling over the edge of sanity. why are schools cursed with volenteer parents who think if they were in charge everything would run perfectly without so much as a missing comma in one of the hundreds of letters sent home every week, that some how we deliberatly plan to screw things up as if there isn't enough work to do in the first place? i wouldn't mind if it were a blatant piece of competence, but going to war over the smallest of innocent errors just cant be worth anyone's hassle. now if you'll excuse me, the school database list m-p's home address and i have to prepare a letter bomb for him...

[Mike]

Fez, as eloquent as always. Ever thought of becoming a politial commentary writer! Keep it coming dude!

[John Knight]

This morning I was astonished that based on experiential data Nicotine speed's up time. I am trying yet again to quit the evil weed and force up your road tax even more but this has been without a doubt the longest morning I ever in the history man.

[John Knight]

I have also learnt that Nicotine patches appear to have two functions.

1. they provide you with a continuos low grade nicotine headrush, feeling slightly dizzy and vague. This is ok becasue i am not craving nicotine. doesn't stop me wanting to go downstairs and outside just to get away from the endless see of grey known as simpsonia.

2. they itch, irritate and generally annoy me almost as much as the withdrawl.

THIS SUCKS.

[Mike]

As long as you don't burn your arm off like your profile picture then you will be great. . . well, maybe. I remember when you last tried to kick the habit. . .

[John Knight]

I am not planning on any self harm. I am taking a more sensible route and taking up cycling again. I have a lovely 2.5 mile of road circuit I pplan to be doing in the morning before work on mon,wed, and fri. The aim being that in a yr or two when my mum retires to be able to cycle to town every day. It's only 7 miles so should be doable.

[Mike]

I would not mind cycling to work but it is the random late cycles home that would do me in.

[stimpsonslostson]

7miles each way is easily doable, shouldn't take more than 40mins if you're taking it easy. I used to do a 35mile round trip each day which took about 1hr each way. I REALLY loved the ride, and continued to do it even after my folks got me a car!

I sometimes feel that cycle lanes lull you into a false sense of security- I often feel safer riding in real traffic, drivers seem to give you more space without the line for them to drive right against.
p