New Words

[John Knight]

A compiled list of new words and phrases


* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
Project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

* ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by licking ass and sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children and Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

* SINBAD.
Single working girls with single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file - decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

* GOING FOR A McSHIT.
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you’re just going to the bog (Loo). If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.

* 404.
Someone who's clueless, from the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located.

* AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss but given down under.

* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wears to show their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH.
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! - Aa! Aa! Aa!"

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the Toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

* BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3:00 am.

* BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got there, and where you've come from.

* BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking and after breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

[Fez]

must find some way of using all of these in conversation; the number of 404s i work with should make it easy

[John Knight]

Yeah we have regular Salmon Days.

[mr_e]

I love the "salmon days" phrase., a nice use of language. I'd love to try and slip these into conversations with managers, but we aren't managed too closely at work, so don't know if I'd get the chance.

[Andy]

I hate 'breaking the seal'

[Mike]

Breaking the seal is weird because some nights you don't until about 11pm and others its 30seconds into the night!

[Andy]

One of the women at work has just turned into an 'aeroplane blonde' and it cracked me up this morning.

[John Knight]

We have a highly developed and terribly organised adminisphere at work. There entire role in life seems to be think of ways to annoy us. We have even gladly adopted he name we got from Ians ex P.A. when she said to an associate director "you lot are just drawers anyway!".

2 degrees, 5 years, countless thousands of pounds, being called a drawer by a half-wit scally slappa from Salford priceless.