Chat up lines

seaflower · Post by **seaflower** » Sat Dec 24, 2005 6:33 pm

Hey i was just wondering what the best chat up lines people have heard or used are. Did they work? I'm sure there are lots of awful ones too! As it is the party season i'm sure there are a fair few flying around.

One that always cracks me up when i think of it is that some guy said 'you know what i want to do to you? i want to take you home so i can pour ice all over your body because you are HOT!' Crazy man and no it didn't work but it made me laugh. :D

Post by **Mike** » Sun Dec 25, 2005 12:12 pm

Claire overheard a great chat up line from a teenager but I will leave that story to her.

On the same note I was trying to persuaide Fez that a T-Shirt he was wearing contained a great chat up line "Hey Ho Lets Go!". I don't think it would have worked but I do think that it would have been amusing to count the slaps. . . . .

Fez · Post by **Fez** » Sun Dec 25, 2005 4:50 pm

Mike wrote:"Hey Ho Lets Go!"

for the last time, that is a slogan from blitzkrieg bop - do none of you people listen to the ramones!?! good god, i have enough trouble trying to get girls to pay attention to me, without starting to refer to them as hoes! and notice the difference in the way that is spelled people!

anyway, as bad chat up lines go, how's this:

"are you a parking ticket, because you've got 'fine' written all over you."

Andy · Post by **Andy** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 9:25 pm

When I think of chat-up lines I am continually reminded of Phoenix Nights. The blokes are stood up on single's night and discussing how to chat up the women. One says that he always thinks of songs and they think of....

Never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight
If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me
Hello, is it me you're looking for?

After 5 minutes of other scenes it cuts back to this old bloke, wandering and trying to get with the women but failing miserably. His line is the old classic,

I'm horny, horny, horny, horny.

Needless to say, he gets the very quick reply of ''**** off''

Claire · Post by **Claire** » Mon Jan 02, 2006 6:46 pm

I love cheesy chat up lines!!! They are fantastic(ally rubbish)

As seaflower so rightly said they don't exactly have the desired effect but they do make you laugh.
The line i heard was uttered by a teenage boy to a girl, outside of my classroom. Needless to say they had no idea i was within earshot. In dulcit and bewitching tones, he uttered:
"I want to put my tool in your box".
If he got any after that then she must be desperate and/or one of the aforementioned hoes! Unless it was said tongue in cheek...no...hold on a minute...that's probably quite literally likely! :D omigod, the things i suffer in the name of education.
Does anyone know any chat up lines of the likes of, "is that a ladder in your tights, or a stairway to heaven"? they're the crappest and the funniest.

Andy · Post by **Andy** » Tue Jan 03, 2006 5:10 pm

I agree Claire, cheesy chat-up lines are fantastic(ally rubbish). But they are also damn funny. Anyway, here's my selection of the best.

I'm Fred Flinstone because I can make your bedrock.
Your eyes are like spanners - every time you look at me, my nuts tighten.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Is your name Gillette - cause you're the best a man can get.
My nickname's Duracell - I can go all night long
Are those pants from outer space - cos that ass is out of this world
Can I borrow 10p, I want to phone my mum and tell her I've met the girl of my dreams
If you were a hamburger you'd be a McGorgeous.
The word of the day is 'legs' - lets go back to my place and spread the word.
Is your daddy a thief? No? Then how did he steal the sparkle from the stars and put them in your eyes?
Your dad must be a baker because you've got a fine set of buns
Put your crash helmet on your going through the head board.

A teacher at our school heard an interesting one as well. It wasn't exactly a ''chat-up'' line, more a ''you're-dumped-in-front-of-my-mates'' line. Anyway, here it is,

girl - I hear you've got that bird flu
boy - No I haven't
girl - Yeah you do, anyway, its not contagious, it only affects small cocks.

Claire · Post by **Claire** » Tue Jan 03, 2006 5:58 pm

Pure genius!

Post by **Mike** » Tue Jan 03, 2006 7:57 pm

Has anyone acutally used any of these chat up lines??? (Extra bonus points / embarrasement points to those who have!) I can categorically say that I have never used a single chat up line in my entire life.

Though, as a joke, I love the phrase

"Do you come here often?"

Andy · Post by **Andy** » Tue Jan 03, 2006 11:19 pm

I personally have never used them either.

However, that isn't the point of my post. The point of my post is that Mike, you've reminded me of another one

(use index finger to call someone over then say) If I made you come this fast with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

Gross, I know. But mildly amusing.

Fez · Post by **Fez** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 12:23 pm

with such smooth lines like yours hibbert, you should be locked away for the good of womankind!

Andy · Post by **Andy** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 4:51 pm

well, I suppose it would improve your chances wouldn't it Fez?

Claire · Post by **Claire** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 7:26 pm

The chat up lines don't have to be used or in fact to work. they just have to be absolutely dire.

The more unusuable the better!

mr_e · Post by **mr_e** » Sun Jan 08, 2006 8:55 pm

One from bash.org. God, I love that site.

Fez · Post by **Fez** » Sun Jan 08, 2006 9:01 pm

pure genius!

Post by **Mike** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 7:52 am

If slightly disturbing. . .